I am not the girl you want.
I am not the girl you need.
I am a women know where she lies and knows what she wants.
No more teasing, no more ad libs, no more confusion.
I just want to be your friend, the person you turn to when you are hurt, the person where everybody else fails I am there.
I can’t be the woman you want me to be.
I can’t be the woman who takes you out on dates.
I can’t be the woman who laughs with you hysterically.
I can’t be the woman who puts small notes on your lunch.
I can’t be the woman who carresses your hair to put you to sleep.
I can’t be the woman who entices you to the point of drooling and goosebumps when you come.
I can’t be that women because I belong to somebody else.
Lying down, in ying yang form, we stare at each other as love escapes in every blink.
Bringing me in, soothe every crinkle of emotional turmoil. Bounded by faith, we seem not to escape each other’s wonderment. Laughter, gushing out, feel the universe with boundless love. Do we now know we belong together? Even a simple caress turns into pop rocks all over our bodies. Remembering, we have to preserve our love like dew drops in the rainforest. If Romeo and Julie could not get it right;what makes you think we will drink the right vile? Conserving, we water each other in equal amounts to not suffocate or mal nourish each other of our love. Layers of submersion, here we are diving in each other’s layers. You dove right in as I wait, yet to even baptize myself in your depths of ocean. Soon we will meet halfway enclosed in our bubble of love.
Saul was his name. He had a strong Jewish background and believed feverently in the old testament. He had sat under the teachings of Gamaliel, ” a teacher of the law held in honor by all the people. ” (Acts 5:34 ESV). Saul vigorously persecuted Christians, ” into the death, binding and delivering to prison both men and women. “(Acts 22:4 ESV). Saul was keen in his mission and wanted to see every last Christian in ruins. Saul was given the permission by Jewish authorities to go toward Damascus looking to arrest and punish Christians. There in Damascus God put his plan on reverse. Not only would Saul get a new name but, a completely different life. He would become a well-known witness and become one of the most prolific writers of the scriptures.
Jesus literally stopped him in his tracks . Saul ” fell to the ground, ” as he was riding. Jesus asked “Saul, Saul why are you persecuting me ?” ( Acts 9:4-5). As Jesus blinded him, his men took him to the city to meet Ananias. Ananias already knew what he had to do since Jesus told him in a dream. Ananias put his hands on Saul , telling him Jesus sent him to restore his sight and that Saul might be filled with the Holy Spirit. Scales from his eyes fell and he could see again. He got baptised into the Christian faith. He ate, he got strength and stayed with the Damascus disciples for three days. After, he became a Christian Saul ,became Paul.
Remembering, how you looked into my eyes while we laid in bed.
How we ate ice cream and you put some in my nose.
How halfway through dinner we wanted to ravish each other so, we ordered it to go.
One day you came home and surprised me with Lillies of the Valley even though it was just Wednesday.
The day, we where both cooking a new recipe and our bellies hurt so bad because of our laughter.
The time, I put my head on your chest just to hear your heartbeat.
Here we are a couple of years later, in a steak resturant.
As I approach wearing a red dress, you compliment me and looked straight into my eyes.
And you accomplished as the man you are, you hand me a blue folder.
This happened in a promise of dreamworld.
As the mystery still unfolds .
We are blessed because we are both poor in Spirit.
Our souls rectified, finally taking a breath of fresh air.
A union as old as times.
We mourn because of the world and he who controls it.
But, Jesus has defeated the world and left us the Holy Spirit.
We both are meek deep down inside, our vulnerability is what completes us.
One day we will inherit the earth.
We are two people trying to find righteousness in the world and see humanity in light.
We show each other mercy in every way possible.
I just hope God shows us mercy.
Our hearts have been tainted, stomped on, even at one point completely destroyed.
Jesus Christ resurrected us and have us a new heart.
We tend to be peacemakers as we always comfort each other and resolve each other problem head on.
Weather it be worldly promblems, we can only let the word of God speak for itself.
We have not been persecuted just yet, but the day will come when we do have to lay down our lives for him.
Are you ready?
As I will write this I am breaking a cycle of contacting the one person I always do. Since I have married I have kept my word to myself I will not go back and chase my past. It is OK to miss people but not reintroduce people into your life when you are a total complete person. Here is to the mysterious O.A.M. He is somebody I will make peace with ultimately only through God. To him and 25 years down the road.
Dear O.A.M: As I write this letter to you it has been three years since we have talked. I understand the meaning of your e-mail you had. I was watching Celia Cruz on Netflix and it basically got down to the point where Celia is Africa. Music ran in her veins just like you. All the drumbeats, the drums that started storytelling around a fire, the drums dedicated to God himself. You always carried music in your heart. Usually, around this time we return to each other. I want to break the cycle and move forward. I finally broke free of our memories, and our pain. The one thing that still remains is our connection. Maybe that will never go away. It has been hard on my marriage carrying you around because of guilt and no matter what, I will always love you. I got baptized at age 33 and now that I am 36 a lot has come to pass. I have met somebody who stared at me like you did, I met someone with the same personality as you, I met someone who loves me unconditionally as you did. I met someone who follows Christ. I promised myself if I ever did find somebody similar to you I would not break his heart. He is co-worker and a good friend of mine. We are actually going to start a bible study. Just want you to know God gave me another chance even though I do not deserve it. I hope you find yourself in good health, married, lots of kids. I pray you are always protected. And the next time I see you will be with a set of full gray hair and in a pass by a friendly hello. If not I will see you in Jesus reign. Thank you, for the life lesson and thank you for being part of my life and sticking around 12 years.
Piercing brown eyes, decipher my inner soul code.
They undress my flesh, as you rummage to find heart to give it the ultimate massage.
Nervousness, ensues me as I turn away to be undetected of the missed Pitter patter.
Resuming back, and touching ground you make me comfortable.
Smiles, laughing so loud, pupils dilate.
Souls dancing within, concerns vanish, worries dissipate.
We started with four chambers now we have eight beating the same rhythm.
Diving into the unknown can lead to a Trojan War, or art thou of poison.
Destruction of rebirth of thousands of Eros arrows while Cupid still hits bullseye.
Lust destroys everything, while creating a foundation for anything takes months.
Let’s work out this marathon till then, I will wait for the baton.